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Post by beksnjake on Apr 15, 2012 11:46:56 GMT
Hopefully this will be a short diary! Having finally decided that I had to take some action regarding my panic attacks my confident rider CD's arrived last week - I wasn't too sure which ones to go for so I ordered 2 "Hacking with confidence" and "Nervous rider action plan" - I think I may have overdone it slightly ;D I've started with the hacking one - it suggests listening to the CD daily for a week & then whenever you need to re-affirm the positive effects. Played it for the first time on Friday evening and again yesterday evening. It lasts nearly an hour but isn't hard to listen to. I do find it really hard to totally relax so having to do this every day for a week is good - my only problem is finding that hour! Another slight issue I have found is that I get really cold whilst listening to the CD - not sure why that should be as the heating is on and I'm wrapped up in my slanket And results so far?? DAY ONE Well I hacked out with L yesterday, bit of a sticky start as Jake wouldn't stand to let me get on and at the moment things have to go right or I begin to feel anxious (stupid I know). Anyway I got on and rode to meet L - I suggested we did Stowting Hill (the ride where the donkeys are) and it was a lovely ride. We met no tractors, the lambs were quiet and the donkeys quietly grazing. Jake was incredibly forward but relaxed (which means I must have been too!) DAY TWO And today - blowing a gale, could hardly stand up in the yard but it was sunny. Went out with mum and L for a short ride as it was so windy. Again Jake was really forward but very relaxed, unlike Josh who was in a really bad mood and Polly who was a bit wound up by the wind. Best of all I realised something was missing - that knot in the pit of my stomach! Early days I know - am on holiday this week so will be able to listen to the CD for the next 5 days but also be able to ride every day. So I will probably bore you all by documenting all my rides this week just to monitor my progress.
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Post by nikki on Apr 15, 2012 17:11:22 GMT
Going to really enjoy keeping up with this Beks. Sounds like its going well so far.
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Post by quest on Apr 15, 2012 19:41:22 GMT
What's the cd about Becks - information on what to do on hacks or a meditation type?
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Post by snigsby on Apr 16, 2012 10:10:21 GMT
Please keep us posted,I am really interested and a day-to-day report will be excellent!
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 16, 2012 11:45:30 GMT
DAY THREE Well last night's listen to the CD didn't quite go as planned as I fell asleep! Woke up a couple of hours later - guess it must be quite relaxing ;D. The hacking CD seems to be based around relaxation & self hypnosis but it does take you out on a hack where things go well.
Went for a longer ride today as the weather for the rest of the week is looking pretty dire (typical as I'm on holiday!) and again it went well. One small wobble, actually it wasn't even a wobble, more of a slight hesitation on my part, when Jake paused at a lorry in a driveway - he'd given it a good look on the way up so really didn't have to look again on the way back. But Little Voice (mum) was there to remind me to push him on before I got to thinking too much (she said she could see me start to tense up as soon as Jake questioned the lorry being in the driveway!). Then Josh led for much of the way home on a route he's not led before so that was good too.
Again the knot that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my stomach over recent weeks appears to have shrunk significantly. The "what ifs" in my head are being replaced with "So What, I can handle it" - its almost as if I'd forgotten how to do this, I guess I got lazy & a bit complacent about working on me! I have now had 2 rides that I enjoyed.
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 17, 2012 9:27:28 GMT
DAY FOUR
Fell asleep again whilst listening to the CD last night - got through the relaxation bit, missed the visualization of hacking out and woke up just at the end!!
Weather abysmal so no riding today - quite disappointed, so thats an improvement! Will have a look at the other CD I bought later (Nervous Rider Action Plan) as it has worksheets etc to go through.
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 18, 2012 11:12:40 GMT
DAY FIVE OK I'll own up - I didn't listen to the CD last night, totally wore myself out at the gym (have decided that if I'm going to be fat, I shall be fit & fat! - but that's a whole different subject). I realised that I would just fall asleep again if I put it on. But will find an hour this afternoon to listen to it again. Anyway today I decided that although the forecast was horrendous, it was dry at the yard, so convinced mum to do a quick circuit round Mill Lane - I WANTED TO RIDE So out we go in what feels like a Force 8 gale with threatening grey skies. And we stayed dry - it started to pour just as we got the boys out in the field. Mum really chuffed as I am very much a fair weather rider (I hate wind & rain and will find any excuse not to go out in bad weather) so me demanding to ride today is a bit of a rarity - actually more of a miracle. It's hard to explain but I just feel more positive when sitting on Jake, yes things still worry me but not so much. Now we haven't met anything particularly challenging yet but I do feel better able to deal with things, whether its the confident rider CD or a combination of that & me deciding to take action I don't know. All I know is that I am beginning to enjoy riding again.
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Post by kas on Apr 18, 2012 14:44:02 GMT
Brilliant Becks! Can't wait to catch up with you and Jake together at the clinic in June. I've been having trouble sleeping, I know I've got that CD somewhere... must dig it out.
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Post by redhorseracinguk on Apr 19, 2012 7:39:12 GMT
Well done Beks It sounds as though you are really progressing! X These CD's may come in useful after I've had the little one. I'm always more wobbly when I've not ridden due to pregnancy. I think I'll invest in some Xx
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 19, 2012 11:20:47 GMT
DAY SIX Something seems to be working rhr! Don't get me started on the clinics kas - that's the next big worry - am trying not to think about them yet (will Jake load/travel, will I remember everything, can I fit everything in the car etc etc etc). Listened to the Nervous Rider Action Plan CD yesterday. Informative - she talks about what stress & panic is and all the effects (physical & emotional) it has on us. Even though much of it is stuff I know, it was good to have someone new go through the theory. The other disc in the set contains more information & work sheets to go through - I found the one on diaphragmatic breathing particularly helpful. There is a different relaxation technique on this CD (5 breath technique) and then a short self hypnosis session which I used instead of the Hacking with Confidence CD last night - I stayed awake this time!! Managed to ride out again today & miss the rain Slightly longer ride as we are going to swap the boys routine today - out at night now, so needed to ride whatever the weather. Met a couple of potentially scary things - a digger working behind a hedge with a flatbed truck parked next to it. The truck wasn't really the problem, the 2 fluorescent jackets hung on its wing-mirrors were! Jake looked at it a bit but moved on (mum did remind me to sit-up and be more effective - a term sadly lacking from my riding vocabulary at the moment) - the guys using the digger stopped the engine as we walked past too which was nice. Then on the way home a friend of ours was turning out her horse after he'd been on box-rest for a couple of weeks - again behind a hedge! William is a lovely cob but can be a handful when excited, Jake could see movement though the hedge but not what/who it was and so had a little moment. I allowed him to back up a short distance so that he could actually see it was William and then I got effective and made him walk on again (without any prompting from mum!!). So again another good ride this time with a couple of small challenges. Will definitely listen again to the Hacking CD as I am finding the relaxation/self hypnosis really beneficial - if nothing else it gets me to sit still for 50 minutes ;D
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Post by kas on Apr 20, 2012 19:26:56 GMT
I think most people, if they are honest, suffer from the spells where they somehow lose it. It's what you do about it that matters and you're an inspiration. I know I had lost the plot around the time I first took Celeb to a clinic with Tom, so much going on away from horses, I was like a wet weekend. Sometimes it's only after that we realise how badly "life" that can affect life how we are with horses.
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 20, 2012 21:17:30 GMT
Thank you kas - I really appreciate your kind words - "inspiration" is not a term I would connect myself with as regards my horsey-life. However I try to be inspirational in my work as a nurse - perhaps I need to rethink this!! DAY SEVEN Fell asleep again last night listening to the CD - woke up 3 hours later cold & stiff from lying on the floor! Anyway it was a glorious morning here in East Kent so me & mum went out for a slightly longer hack - well Mill Lane, Whiteways & Mill Lane again - all close to home in case of heavy rain and/or hailstones as filthy weather was forecast despite the sunshine! Lovely ride - again met a couple of challenges - tree surgeons & their wood chipper, a couple of impatient drivers who insisted on squeezing past us on single track roads (so rude ) but I was chilled throughout - rode mainly with the reins in one hand. I am under no illusions here - this week has been brilliant - however I know how fragile confidence can be. But this has been a good start to getting mine back. Jake is more relaxed too and also forward which I know means I am more relaxed (we mirror each other dreadfully). Sadly after the weekend I will be unable to ride for 5 days as I am covering for my boss whilst she is on holiday - I will however try to listen to the CD during the week. Thank you all for your comments and for allowing me to blether on & on & on.
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Post by snigsby on Apr 21, 2012 8:40:51 GMT
Beks,I think that your mind takes in what it hears even when you're asleep so maybe the CD is working even if you are in the Land of Nod? I think you are doing really well and all of this will build up and stay with you
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Post by beksnjake on Apr 21, 2012 11:54:48 GMT
Longer hack again today with mum & L - a familiar route but one we've not done for a couple of months due to roadworks. Stayed dry (that's every ride this week - not bad considering the awful weather ) Apart from the usual rude drivers going past even when there's no room it was a good ride - we even encountered one of the local farmers loading sheep & lambs into a trailer, well attempting to load, they weren't being terribly co-operative!. Yes I will admit I got nervous but I got past with no problem. Mum thinks I should have trotted past but personally I feel that I wouldn't have had Jake with me if I'd done that. We had Polly on our bum and she was quite stressed by the noise the sheep were making running up & down the ramp. So keeping Jake in a calm walk seemed sensible to me. Very pleased with how the past week or so has gone.
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Post by kas on Apr 22, 2012 15:06:05 GMT
You are an inspiration Becks. There's going to be up and down days, that's normal, but you're getting your head back in the right place now and that will carry you through. I've never listened to that CD, but I know it's knocking about here somewhere. I must get it out, I've been having trouble sleeping lately!
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