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Post by snigsby on Feb 21, 2019 17:57:00 GMT
"And another thing"grumbled BB, throwing the remote control over his shoulder into the bushes,"why can't we have cable in the stable? Is it any wonder that I have never been discovered? No YOutube,no snapchat,no nothing. And now she says she's giving up the telly licence in favour of Netflix. It's all her fault that I missed the auditions for The Greatest Dancer and The Voice. Guys? Guys!!"
Prince of Persia and Windy refocussed their glazed eyes. "well,"said PoP, consideringly, "she is skint,you know. Economies have to be made somewhere."
"Yes, so she says,replied BB witheringly. Ever since I found out that humans only need to eat two or three times a day I have wondered if she really needs all that stuff from the supermarket. I mean to say, she doesn't have to eat for 16 hours a day like we do. I bet she could manage on much less and then we could have some of the small,tiny, inexpensive things that make life worth living" his voice shrank to a pathetic whimper as he contemplated his cheerless existence.
"Oh here we go with the Tales of Woe" muttered Windy,as a sound not unlike bagpipes warming up issued from under his tail, "What about me? I need internet access to find out Who I Am. It's not easy being a LBGT wotsit-barsteward,you know. All I know is my place of birth and that my father was unknown - the only other thing on my passport is my height and even that's wrong. I don't fancy mares and all geldings are my friends.Maybe I'm not even a horse!".
"Weloveyouforyourselfevenifyou'reaUnicorn" chorussed the other two,dutifully.
A thought came into PoP's head as he licked thoughtfully at the salt lick.............(he did his best thinking there.)
"I wonder how our friends Darn Sarth are doing? It's been a while since I heard from FamousBoy that our brother from another mother had gone off to Rainbow Bridge." "Oh,I remember,said BB "we had to send him a wreath of carrots and I wasn't allowed even to nibble the edges for quality control."
"next time we're near the house and can get a signal on that rubbishy old phone she lets us have, we must check for emails" said Windy eagerly, I've never met any of those foreign boys!".................
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Post by tommytrot on Feb 21, 2019 20:50:57 GMT
Finally after what seemed like for-ever HrH (his royal horsness Cerion Prince) had been allowed use of the phone again, How was he supposed to know that the nice young filly he had been chatting up via the dating app was really a fat hairy cob gelding from the Forest. the lecture went on and on, something about how much trouble can one horse get into despite the lack of aposable thumbs, and further safeguarding measures where needed.
he eagerly dialled the number ..... BB ... it’s HrH how the devil are you? Long time ...... no your are joking..... how are you going to Raise your celebrity profile without access to social media?? .... and she has you on a diet....... yeh it’s been a tough year for me too, she only went and got another horse ...... I know at my age ........ a right pain in the arse ... foreign can’t understand a word he says ...... I’m not sharing my shed ......
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Post by snigsby on Feb 22, 2019 19:02:29 GMT
For anyone just browsing - please feel free to join in with the story! The basic idea is that we have given our equines personalities (and also ourselves alter egos) to do anything and everything just to amuse ourselves and each other.
If you can spot a possible story line to develop - please let your imagination run riot 
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Post by kas on Feb 23, 2019 8:04:31 GMT
I'll have a go when I get time. I'm busy (when I'm not busy doing other things!) with a couple of projects that should have been done before Xmas!
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Post by nicxf on Feb 23, 2019 9:31:12 GMT
BB and HRH spent some time on the phone, grumbling to each other about the shortcomings of their respective human staff. Finally, BB announced "What we need is a PLAN! I vote we put our hooves down hard and start getting our humans back in line! No more of this restricted phone privileges and no internet rubbish! The People Need to Know about us! We saved the country from those Stepford ponies, remember? We deserve fame and fortune!"
And so, ending the call and retreating for a snack, the boys returned to their respective paddocks to Think Of A Plan.
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Post by snigsby on Feb 23, 2019 9:46:08 GMT
BB was happily reminisencing,as he flicked through the pages of Barry Garlow's new book about how to stay slim and fit when you're a middlea ged boy band and thought about the time he and The Yellow Peril had a boy band to rival even Whack!
"Those Were The Days,my friend,"he hummed.
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Post by nicxf on Mar 6, 2019 12:35:42 GMT
As he contnued to peruse the book, BB had a great idea. "I have it!" he neighed loudly, to the horror of his field-mates who, convinced he was announcing the arrival of a Beast With Large Teeth, scattered.
BB rolled his eyes and carried on. "We will form a Boy Band and get onto Britain's Got Talent!! It'll be a national sensation, we're sure to win!" Pleased with himself for his Amazing Idea, BB plotted how to get hold of his PA's phone next time she visited, so that he could contact his friends and get the gang back together.
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Post by kas on Mar 8, 2019 17:31:32 GMT
Enjoying this.  |
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Post by nicxf on Mar 9, 2019 7:03:31 GMT
Meanwhile....
In rural Gloucestershire, a gang of three mules and two donkeys were deep in discussion. Wassail, the biggest of the mules was reminiscing about his brief stint as a famous dancer, the first mule to be allowed to perform in the Royal Ballet. "Heehaaaawwwwww....those were great days! People adored me! Cheering everywhere I went! The focus of everyone's attention! Pals, it's great being back here with you, but it's kind of....dull. Why don't we spice things up a bit? I saw this show through one of our human neighbours' windows, called "Britain's got talent! I bet there have never been any equine entries before. Hey, I have it! We'll form a boy band! Nedward the donkey - you have an excellent singing voice, you can take lead vocals, whaddya say?"
Blind Nedward grinned. "Heeeeehaww! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAWWWWWWW!" He said.
Everyone else joined in: "hawwwwheeeee! Harrruhhhhh! Hgnrrrrr! Heeeee!"
The gang nodded happily at each other. They were going to be a sensation! Surely their idea was unique.....
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Post by tommytrot on Mar 9, 2019 18:16:23 GMT
Thought i would add some screenplay or some such just in case El wants to make a film Imaging the scene, lovely spring evening the strains of Spanish guitar, filtered through the gentle breeze as El Guapo raised his head as he strolled up the paddock, he had moved to the shire sometime ago, since being moved from his homeland, the food was great but what he really loved was the mud!! there was loads of it, so the image of a statuesque grey with a flowing white mane was not entirely accurate as it was more like 50 shades of Beige with mud balls hanging from his mane, on the whole he like it here except his new field friend was a grumpy old git that shouted at him all the time. HrH was still not sure of the new fella, as he spent all his time eating and rolling, "OI G CAN YOU SING OR DANCE?" mmpff G replied through a mouthful of hay, I SAID CAN YOU SING? HrH repeated himself, getting even more grumpy than usual. G swallowed and replied "Que" At that point HrH gave up, he was struggling with his future plans, being Welsh he obviously had a good singing voice and for his age he was still in pretty good shape, but really how dignified was it at his age trying to relive his youth..... An idea popped into his head, BB was such a charismatic personality and had many adventures, he would make a good presenter, what if they got together and travelled the world reviewing Horseboxes and the local culture ....... no not quite right they needed one other Equine to balance things .... yes 3 presenters would be better.. he would run it past him ... now where was the servant with the phone ... |
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Post by snigsby on Mar 11, 2019 16:00:06 GMT
"Will you STOP that!" yelled Windy as BB whacked his legs for the umpteenth time "put the broom handle down,you little oik!"
"Oh,sor-eee" replied BB sarkily "excuse me for breathing, I'm only trying to remember what Auntie Kos was doing last time I heard. I know it had something to do with a long pole and a flat straw hat. Gondolier-ing,maybe?"
Prince of Persia sighed. It was his turn to keep watch. He was cold and bored. His mummy, Snags,just never seemed to leave that phone unattended. For days now, the three of them had been taking turns trying to spot an opportunity.
Maybe they needed to create a diversion for a few minutes,then BB could squeeze into the kitchen through the back porch and see if it was on the table. He'd already searched all the pockets of the jackets hung up in the porch and, apart from a mouthful of old paper hanky,a piece of baling twine and a hairy polomint, he'd drawn a blank. Maybe he needed just to rest his eyes and have a deep think. Snags had been fairly quiet for a few days. She seemed to be a bit slow,too, no doubt because of BB having used her shinbone as a trampoline. Also, she'd been snuffling and sniffling a lot. Huh, he thought to himself, I bet she's been lying on a sofa half the time with the phone beside her. They needed her to be up and about as normal,forgetting about her phone and leaving it lying all over the place........
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Post by kas on Mar 14, 2019 19:40:11 GMT
Sorry I'm not contributing, my brain is fogged at the moment, but I am enjoying this.
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Post by nicxf on Mar 17, 2019 20:22:39 GMT
"quick, quick, she's coming!" Whickered Prince. Finally all their watching had paid off and Snags was headed their way, phone in hand.
"Ready guys? 1...2...3...stampeeeeeeeeeeeeede!!!" At that, the three of them galloped (or limped, in the case of Windy. BB had been at it with the broomstick again) in three different directions, neighing at the top of their voices (in, it has to be said, rather good vocal harmony).
"What the...?!" Exclaimed Snags, dropping the phone in surprise. "And why are you limping, Windy?!" Forgetting all about the phone, Snags slowly made her way over to where Windy had stopped.
Meanwhile, BB sneaked over to the dropped phone, grabbed it, and hid behind a tree to dial.
"HrH...it's me! BB! I've had this great idea! We'll be rich! We'll be famous! We'll be a singing sensation, the only equine boy band ever to win a big TV talent show! What? What....horseboxes? Reviews??...Where's the fame and glory in that? We'll end up forgotten on sone internet tv station that nobody watches! Wha..no coloured spandex??! What do you mean you're too old? You're Welsh! Look at Tom Jones! We need that fabulous bass voice! I hear the stage calling! I WANT FANS AND ADORATION FROM THE MASSES, DAMMIT!!" Stamping his little hoof, BB snorted and farted in disgust. He WOULD find fame and fortune, he WOULD be a star, he.... "OI!!! GIVE MY PHONE BACK!!" Oops. He'd made all that noise and Snags had cottoned on to him. "No more phone privileges for you, mister! Now behave!" And with that, clutching the phone, Snags disappeared back indoors. "Drat" said BB. "Oh well, where's that broom handle? Always good to have a plan B. Or BB!" Pirouetting around the broom handle and accidentally smacking Prince on the bottom, BB continued to plot a diversion. "I need to talk to FamousBoy," he thought.
Let the eye of the reader draw away from the sight of a small pony whacking his fieldmates with a broomstick in an attempt to master the Garrrrrrrrocha (or Gondolier, possibly), and fly south to Gloucestercestershire, to a brown mule dancing in the rain to an off-key accompaniment...
"Haaaaaw...heehaaaaw"
"Fraaaaaaarrrrrrppppp"
"Haaaaaaaaaawwwwrrrmmmmm"
"Hgnaaaarrrrrfffff"
....
"Hmmm" thought Wassail. "Coming along nicely!"
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Post by snigsby on Mar 18, 2019 10:38:04 GMT
.............just spat my coffee all over the keyboard,nic! RoFL!.............
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Post by nicxf on Mar 18, 2019 19:18:04 GMT
*snigger*
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