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Post by snigsby on Nov 26, 2010 8:39:56 GMT
Suddenly a rifle shot rang out! And another! Zing!! Zing!! The bullets whizzed past Genghis's head. Swiftly breaking into an extremely fast gallop,he spooked and shied his way up hill and down dale,clearing five bar fences and sleeping bullocks alike till at last he slowed to a trot amongst the wheelie bins and mowed lawns of suburbia. Catching sight of himself in a set of patio doors, he gasped "Blimey! no wonder someone's shooting at me!" Casting aside the novelty eyes on springs and the lolly stick stuck in his forelock certainly removed the resemblance to the Monarch of the Moors. "But more to the point,he thought,I've lost track of the psychedelic caravanette. And I thought I'd at least have seen some of the others by now. Seeing as how half the known horsemanship world is meant to be converging on the NEC.............WHERE ARE THEY ALL! !!".
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Post by kas on Nov 26, 2010 16:49:03 GMT
A few Splories were hacking there. "Cake anyone?" offered Ladycentaur, waving a tupperware container. "Ooh! Don't mind if I do!" said Poshnbecks, helping herself to a slice of pistachio cake. "Tea?" Kos had a row of cups balancing on Tee Pee's ample behind. "How many sugars Outtolunch?". And so they made their gentle progress along the side of the M40*, following a route that had been carefully plotted by Outtolunch to give plenty of rest stops with various Splories along the way. Kos had to admit, the thought of the journey had worried her, with everyone planning to go to the NEC, nobody was going to be left at home to look after her gang, so eventually she'd decided to take all 3. It was working out much better than she'd expected, Celebridee trundled along quietly with her on his back, Tee Pee led along beside him carrying the luggage and providing a useful table for snacks, and Fin, wide eyed with wonder but enjoying himself, just carried a banner saying "NEC or bust". "I wonder how Lee's getting on with Phillip Spry (Fuckin' Legend) she mused. "She was saying on the phone last night that he has some rather odd habits..."
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Post by kas on Nov 26, 2010 18:35:55 GMT
* "How can they be hacking up the side of the M40?" you may ask yourself "Horses are not allowed to hack up the side of motorways!". Well, it's like this dear reader. The Splories have permission from The Queen. Everybody knows that Jonty Robarts is good mates with Her Majesty, and when Outtolunch was sorting out arrangements for the trip, he might just have given somebody High Up the impression that the Splories were part of the Intelligent Associate team. I'm not saying he deliberately misled anyone, far be it from me to insinuate such a thing, he just might have omitted to say something at one time, and said something useful at another time, if you get my drift. Therefore, The Queen said "Oh, any mate of Jonty's is a mate of One. One will allow them to ride wherever they like. They can have The Key to Britain." And there you have it.
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Post by kas on Nov 26, 2010 22:35:52 GMT
Bob Kidney took a swig from his bottle of organic Powerade as he overtook a psyechedelic VW caravanette. The gingham curtains parted, and framed by Save the Whale stickers, a hairy brown bum wiggled at the window. Bob averted his eyes in horror and pedalled past. "That pony would benefit from a darn good Tricker Training session!" he fumed to himself.
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Post by nicxf on Nov 27, 2010 15:09:37 GMT
Deep in rural Kent a Golden Pony plotted with his little fat companion.
As Seamus distracted Pixie by breaking into the feed room; the Golden Pony sneaked into the house and cleverly tapped a number into the phone with his nose.
After removing Seamus from the feed room, Pixie turned to go back into the house, and stopped in horror to behold the trail of devastation in the ransacked kitchen, and the Golden Pony shaped hole in the hedge.
"oh, bugger" said Pixie. "Fin! get over here! it looks like we need to head up to the NEC sooner than planned!"
*******
Over in a small village in Gloucester-cester-shire, a beanpole-shaped 'splorie put down the phone, looked thoughtful for a minute and then carefully loaded a rucksack with ibuprofen, bandages and a variety of inhalers, leaped into a small blue car and headed off up the M5. "well...it's now or never, I guess..." she muttered as she fell in behind a curious looking VW camper which appeared to have a pony's arse hanging out of the sticker covered back window.
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Post by kas on Nov 27, 2010 18:42:06 GMT
The full moon was rising over a sheep station in Tasmania. Lee was searching the barns for Phillip Spry (Fuckin'Legend) . It was a bit odd, she hadn't seen him since lunchtime. Wondering if he'd gone tp check the horss, she started off across a moonlit paddock. An unearthly figure raced towards her in the eerie light, for a moment Lee's heart leapt in fear, but then she realised that it was a flustered looking Ginny Spry. "Oh Lee!" exclaimed Ginny, "We need to get into the house quickly! Come with me now!". "I was looking for Phillip" explained Lee, as she allowed herself to be hustled across the paddock "have you seen him?". Suddenly a blood-curdling howl cut through the night. "Oh god!" Ginny pushed Lee hard towards the kitchen door "we've got to get indoors!". "Feck!" cried Lee "what the feckin' feck was that??". "Er, a dingo!" panted Ginny, slamming the kitchen door behind them and leaning on it. "A dingo?? In Tasmania??" puzzled Lee...
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Post by beksnjake on Nov 28, 2010 19:22:25 GMT
Meanwhile on the hard shoulder of the M40 the splories were settling down for the night. "So glad I fixed my tent" said Poshnjakes "you can all get to stay in it", as she threw the tent on the ground it mysteriously put itself up. "Bit of a bugger to put away, but there's plenty of room inside"
10 minutes later everyone including horses are comfortably inside what had initally appeared to be 2 man tent. Kos and Ladycentaur looked round in awe, as Poshnjakes muttered something about having borrowed the tent off someone called Ron Weasley as she took another sip of sloe gin - ". . . its abit special you know"
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Post by snigsby on Nov 29, 2010 8:33:35 GMT
The psychedelic caravanette spluttered on........."He wants a what?"asked Skippy, "a Wyefye Hotpot?. Could he make do with a Big Mac? We're nowhere near Weatherfield."
"He's looking out for a WiFi hotspot" explained Snags "then he can make contact by putting his dongle in."
"He's going to do what!?!" spluttered Skippy,already embarassed by the thought of how many people had seen her driving along with a pony's naked backside pressed to the window. The fact that BB had been scratching it until his patchy coat looked as if he'd had a Brazilian did not help the images running through her mind.
"He's going to contact all the Splories on t'Internet. He's got a webcam and everything!" said Snags proudly "then we can arrange to all meet up at a secret location somewhere near the NEC ."
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Post by el on Nov 29, 2010 18:12:54 GMT
'Why there's a dingo in Tasmania?' said Lee, 'I thought they were extinct here'.
Giny shook her head, 'No they're definitely still here alright...'
As Lee settled down and as twilight fell outside, to her astonishment, two tall, dark, handsome twins who she could have sworn she had seen on either xfactor or a vampire film walked calmly into the room.
'Howareyee boys' she said, but the words had difficulty leaving her as her breath had just done.
'And more to the point, who are ye?' The twins gave her a deep yet meaningful and vaguely dramatic look.
'We're JEdward Cullen. Tall dark and brooding, fans of vampire books and with signature blond quiffs and questionable dance moves.'
Ginny looked over in relief. Thank God Lee had been distracted when from was really going on, even if would only be for a while..........
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Post by kas on Nov 29, 2010 22:14:11 GMT
JEdward Cullen... groan...
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Post by snigsby on Nov 30, 2010 9:19:22 GMT
Over in England, a small hairy pony with a thoughtful look in his eyes carefully backcombed and teased his forelock...........
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Post by kas on Nov 30, 2010 10:36:28 GMT
"What are you doing on a sheep station in Tasmania?" Lee asked JEdward Cullen, "Aren't you getting confused? You find vampires in Transylvania, not Tasmania!". "There's been reports of werewolf activity in these parts. We've made loads of money from dodgy adverts, so we could afford to come and investigate". The boys glanced meaningfully over their shoulders and one waved a crucifix. "Ah, ye're daft!" Lee chuckled "there's no feckin' vampires round here. Just a coupla dingos and an legendary horseman". Another howl cut through the air, sounding uncomfortably close. Lee shivered in spite of herself. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted, then get us all some dinner." said Ginny Spry, taking a large raw steak from the freezer, opening the kitchen door and going out into the darkness.
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Post by breakfast on Nov 30, 2010 18:16:51 GMT
At the sight of the steak, JEdward Cullen's eyes widened and they began to look nervous. "You're not going to serve that with a garlic jus, are ya?" "We were offered that one time as part of a smorgasboard." "Did you think it was a smorgasboard? It looked more like a buffet to me." "Oh I suppose it was- steak, garlic, mineral water from the fountains of the vatican, hot cross buns. It was like a buffet for slaying vampires."
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Post by nicxf on Nov 30, 2010 21:25:45 GMT
oh, groooooooan!!!!
;D
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Post by kas on Nov 30, 2010 22:19:06 GMT
"No, we're not having steak, we're having a nice chicken salad" Ginny told them, re-entering the kitchen minus the steak. "Is Phillip joining us?" asked Lee. "No, not tonight, he's going to bed early. He's, er, already eaten..." said Ginny, busying herself with some salad dressing. "Who was the steak for?" asked one half of Jedward, "The dogs?". "Oh... you could say that..." Ginny muttered.
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