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Post by kas on Aug 23, 2010 16:08:03 GMT
OK, inspired by a mad evening with RHR, Unicorn and Breakfast. If you are drinking tea swallow now... you have been warned... I'll post again... to give you time...
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Post by kas on Aug 23, 2010 16:16:34 GMT
Horse Whisperers Too
A blockbuster, coming to cinemas near you Christmas 2010
Starring:
Fat Farelli and his glamorous wife Belinda Farelli Spellbound - a black mare Jasper - a black stallion Philip Spry - legendary and elusive horseman and Tasmanian devil (like a werewolf only australian)
Also featuring:
Jonty Robarts - alleged horse whisperer Nelly Stains - his well-groomed No 1 student Cornish Pasty - her trusty gelding, known simply as Pasty to his fans Dan Flan - Dean of the Farelli University Marelli Farelli - Fat Farelli's most devoted student. (Who changed her by deed poll from Margaret Grummage) Finesse Farelli - Marelli's trusty cob, previously known as Nigel
The story begins...
(Well, over to you lot if you feel up to it).
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Post by nicxf on Aug 23, 2010 17:41:17 GMT
You forgot the all-important Arch-Villains; Stove and Ironic Tencents the Australian Pony Mutterers, and Trim and Skippy Widdlecomb the Reclusive Evil English Horse Trainers....
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Post by kas on Aug 23, 2010 17:51:55 GMT
;D
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Post by redhorseracinguk on Aug 23, 2010 19:59:04 GMT
;D ;D ;D LMAO!
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Post by beksnjake on Aug 25, 2010 15:27:47 GMT
Have just spat tea over my keyboard ;D ;D ;D
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Post by kas on Aug 26, 2010 17:14:48 GMT
OK, opening scene. I am not going to try to write an American cowboy accent!
Fat and Belinda were sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of their ranch house in Pagosa. Trying to ignore the passing Farelli-ites hiding behind pine trees to sneak a photo. Fat took a thoughtful slug of his triple distilled malt. "I'm worried Belinda, I think we need to get our butts over to the UK and check some things out". "Why's that Fat?" asked Belinda, carefully putting down her bottle of Farelli nail varnish and waving her Farelli Green talons gently in the air. Pat heaved a thoughtful sigh, and reached for the bottle. "I hear rumours of student rustlers active over there. Membership of the Farelli Fab Club has been dropping off. They say there's some guys saying they are horse whisperers too. We need to check it out". "I think we need to get Dan Flan up here sharpish!" exclaimed Belinda, "If we're losing students he's the cowboy to round them back up for us!"
Meanwhile, on a small farm near Oxford, a group of people wearing green fleeces were gathered round a small man wearing a flat cap...
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Post by gemma on Aug 26, 2010 19:59:10 GMT
... as Nelly Stains came galloping into the Square Pen on Cornish Pasty, bareback and facing backwards. They proceeded to jump through rings of fire, over picnic tables at which The Queen and other noted members of the Royal Household were taking tea.
'How's that for an entrance Jonty?', asked Nelly, sliding to the ground over Pasty's rump, shaking her hair into place.
'Not bad' he replied, 'but it's not just jazzy enough. We need to sex it up a bit if we're going to impress our audience. We've GOT to beat the Farellis!!'
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Post by kas on Aug 26, 2010 21:14:57 GMT
"Oh Nelly" he added "you can put your hoodie back on, that's not quite what I meant".
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Post by beksnjake on Aug 27, 2010 15:19:17 GMT
Still spitting tea over my keyboard ;D - please stop as I can't afford a new one!
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Post by breakfast on Aug 27, 2010 15:45:55 GMT
"No, there's only one thing for it, Nelly," he continued as she bravely attempted to squeeze her head out through the sleeve of her hoodie, gave up and withdrew her arm from the hood to regroup, "we're going to have to work with, El Stalliano Diaboloso!" Thunder rumbled overhead and it seemed as if a dramatic chord played cinematically in the air... "What?" Her head popped jack-in-the-box-like out of the jumper as she finally escaped it's polycotton clutches, "Are you absolutely sure? Surely it's too dangerous!" "Danger, Nelly, is what the general public thrives on. I have no doubt in my mind, no doubt whatsoever, that we need to obtain El Stalliano Dioboloso for our incredble circus." Once again the sinister note filled the air and he glared at the orchestra they had allowed to practice in the arena while they were working.
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Post by kas on Aug 27, 2010 17:51:27 GMT
"Is that El Stalliano Diaboloso or El Stalliano Dioboloso please Jonty?" chipped in one of the green sweatshirt wearers from the sidelines, pen poised expectantly above his notebook.
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Post by snigsby on Aug 28, 2010 7:21:20 GMT
"Great Balls of Fire!!" snapped Jonty,"does it matter? My readers know a slip of the pen when they see one."
Outside the square pen,there was a faint chink-ing noise as OutToLunch (who was always at his best first thing in the morning) rose from a kneeling position. He'd been wrapped round a discarded stack of jump wings by a misdirected lariat and had been unnoticed, eavesdropping, while he sawed his way free with a blunt Bowie knife.
Light glinting off his buffalo horn specs, he crept away,pondering all the while "what would a great horseman do in this situation?"
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Post by kas on Aug 29, 2010 14:57:54 GMT
He took the question to his beloved wife Ladycentaur over dinner that night. "Jonty Robarts is planning some huge extravaganza featuring El Stalliano Diaboloso. I think it's part of his master plan to take over the world of horsemanship. What can we do? "But I thought that Fat Farelli was also planning to take over The World Of Horsemanship," mused Ladycentaur, "is The World Of Horsemanship big enough for both of them?"
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Post by beksnjake on Aug 30, 2010 5:18:33 GMT
Meanwhile in the depths of the Australian Outback Stove and Ironic Tencents the Australian Horse Mutterers are muttering with their horses, when Stove suddenly says "Strewth love can you hear that? That's not muttering - thats shouting, someone needs our help - the World of Horsemanship is under threat!"
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