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Post by kelpie on Nov 7, 2010 0:30:07 GMT
Love it... and love the intermission - who says competition is boring !!!!!
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Post by beksnjake on Nov 7, 2010 12:43:14 GMT
;D ;D ;D
Please stop - my face hurts from laughing
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Post by kas on Nov 7, 2010 19:08:14 GMT
Meawhile, on the Sploring Horsemanship forum, events were being monitored with interest. "Really looking forward to the next Stove clinic" typed Outtolunch "Zorro and I will be there, we really need to work on our 3 quarter reinback half halt pirouette". "We'll be there too" typed Poshnjake, knocking back another slug of sloe gin "I'm going to camp in my tent this time. Honest, I really am. I've worked out how to pack it up and everything". "I'll believe you, but if you have trouble we'll be there to help" replied Outtolunch. A new thread popped up, the title was in red and, as it was opened, two complete rows of hit the eye. " Horse Whisperers Too!! An equine extravaganza!! Fat Farelli, Jonty Robarts and Stove Tencents at one venue! More 's followed. 15th and 16th August at the NEC. Tickets £50 - book now!" "WTF??" typed Outtolunch "How the hell has anyone managed to organise that? Ladycentaur and I will be there, even if we have to sleep in the car". "I've been working on this for a while " typed Kos, "but I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't come off. It took a bit of doing, but as long as I make sure that all parties stay in different hotels, at least two miles apart, and Jonty gets a trouser press, and Fat gets single malt and Ironic gets a washing machine, they'll do it. So watch out Silverendies, Stove will be picking his demo team at the clinics this summer". "Oh shit!" typed Poshnjake, and reached for the bottle.
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Post by el on Nov 7, 2010 21:18:44 GMT
Lee watched proceeds with great interest, along with all of the others in Greenland, and made a mental note to check the prices on BacktoEnglandAir, who land somewhere in 500 mile radius of the NEC. Time to head back over, sit in a deck, get burnt and fall asleep in the sun again. Lee was looking forward to asking some awkward questions from the audience, but in the past most of them don't get anserwed as people can't understand the thick Greenland accent which sounds a bit like Swahili on whiskey. Certainly though, plans for the summer were certainly getting more interesting......
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Post by kas on Nov 7, 2010 22:45:59 GMT
Nelly Stains was being extremely patient with the Intelligent Associates, who sat around her kitchen clutching mugs of tea and looking defiant. "Look guys" said Nelly, "Jonty's been good to us, he's taught us all he knows. Is it really too much to ask that we help him out on this one, just this time?". "It's OK for you Nelly" piped up Daisy, the youngest IA "Jonty isn't asking you to ride barebutt is he? He's put you in charge of PR and according to you that means you will be far to busy to TREC with us. Nobody's asking you to part with your SPANX". "I've only just got my new control vest for men" muttered a male IA darkly in the background, "I'm not bloody taking it off for anyone, not even Jonty". There was however a peacemaker in the group, a born negotiator and talented communicator, with horses and people. Stellar, one of the first IA's to join Nelly in her team, beamed happily round at the group and flourished a white board draped with a numnah. "I've thought of a compromise" she explained and removed the numnah with a flourish to reveal an assortment of photos of "flesh coloured SPANX!" Stellar waved an arm at the board with a happy flourish. Nelly sighed resignedly and reached for the teapot.
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Post by kas on Nov 7, 2010 22:55:13 GMT
"What we need" typed Orangehorserunning "is to get a living legend over here to support Stove and kind of shake things up a bit. I can think of only one person who would fit the bill..." "Do you mean? Surely not? Could you really mean....?" typed Kos. "Yes" returned Orangehorserunning "Phillip Spry. (SFX - Sound of many Aussie voices gravely stating "Fuckin' Legend). Kos - can you get him??". "Blimey, I doubt it" typed Kos, "I mean, he only leaves Tasmania twice a year, and he's sworn never to leave Australia again. I tell you what, I'll email his wife Jinny and beg. I'm never too proud to beg in a good cause." "Phillip Spry?? (fuckin' legend) That would be awesome!" Typed Lee. "I've already emailed him begging to go and stay at his place for a few days when I go to Aus next week. I told him I'd happily sleep under a hedge, anything, just to see him work with his horses and learn some stuff. I thought I could write about him in my next book". "Well," typed Kos, "if you can swing that, then maybe you could beg him in person on your bended knees? It's only early April, plenty of time to get him over here". "I've got an idea!" chipped in Ladycentaur "how about we ask all our members and mates to pledge some dosh to pay his plane ticket? How could he refuse then?" Well, I'll try anything once, you know me!" typed Lee, and it was settled.
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Post by kas on Nov 7, 2010 23:03:51 GMT
Fat Farelli was having a ball. He had decided to run a series of exclusive Learn With Fat clinics for the followers of Ingenious Horsemantricks and the proceeds were funding a heck of a trip. Marelli Farelli was co-ordinating the events and was following the tour with trusty Finesse Farelli in his Equitrek, working for free in return for riding on the clinics. Finesse was travelling on the left side of the trailer, as the heaviest cargo was the crates of Glenlivet on board beside him. The attendance was amazing, fuelled by Dan Flan's regular reports of El Stalliano Diaboloso's trip across Europe. Currently the horse was enclosed in a 10 foot high cast iron holding pen while repairs were made to his transport. However, he had just crossed the French border, so Farelli-ites everywhere were optomistic that he would be at the NEC in time for the event. Linda studied her laptop closely, could this be trouble? She was readin' on this wierd discussion group that folks were planning to get Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend) over to the UK. Phillip Spry, the man who trained looked after Spellbound for Fat. It would never happen, not with Phillips rather "special" problem every full moon. Would it??
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Post by kas on Nov 8, 2010 11:33:36 GMT
Author's note - I was going to link to You Tube, to a Kevin Bloody Wilson vid about Nigel - to explain the fuckin' legend reference. He's so politicallly incorrent I can't!
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Post by redhorseracinguk on Nov 8, 2010 12:24:48 GMT
PMSFL!!!! I love it!!! xxx
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Post by el on Nov 8, 2010 18:55:02 GMT
Two days later, Lee and her horse Ozzie were on a Quantas/BA code share airlines flight over to Tassie, with a brief stopoff in Singapore's tropical international airport for a bit of grass in the outdoor garden for Oz and a bottle of tequila for Lee.
Ozzie had munched his way through 297 packets of peanuts (the air hostess were not happy about the level of flatulence) and Lee was catching up on reruns of the Australian Apprentice.
After they landed, Lee hopped on Oz, and Oz jumped down off the airplane, completely missing the steps, and then galloped across the airfield, chased by border patrol (episode airing on UK TV and Ireland's TV3 in Jan 2011) and then disappeared across a few fields.
They eventually found Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend)pontificating about the art of horsemanship in a hay shed.
Lee: Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend) the world needs your help. There are dasterdly plans afoot in England and Steve needs your help. Please come back with us!!!
Phillp Spry ((fuckin' legend): England? You've got it wrong! I have vowed never to leave Australia again. I cannot survive without my horses. You have a nice wee chap there by the way (looks at Oz). (I don't know why he's got an scottish accent)
Lee: You can bring your horses with you! I've got first class tickets for you and three equines of your choice, peanuts included.
Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend): Never the less lass, I canna leave fair dinkum Aussie, struth. Where are you from by the way, I can hardly understand your accent!!
Lee: I'm from Tipperary.
Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend): Tipperary?! Tipperary as in OIRLAND/GREENLAND, land of the leprechauns and 'home of the horse' Tipperary?
Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend) gazes wistfully towards the horizon in deep thought.
Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend): I always wanted to visit OIRLAND/GREENLAND.
Lee; Aha thats it!!! What I you come to England to help Steve, and then afterwards I'll arrange a clinic for you in Tipperary! You can stay in an authentic white washed farm cottage, drink Guinness until the pubs are dry and kiss the Blarney Stone for the gift of the gab and super unlimited magical horse powers.
Phillp Spry (fuckin' legend): done! Let me just call my horses telepathically (3 horses appear over the distance, and soon Philip is hovering somehow above all three at the same time). Lets go!!
Lee phones Kos.
Kos, Kos, I've got him!!!!!!!! We're on our way now!!
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Post by beksnjake on Nov 8, 2010 19:09:28 GMT
Standing outside the NEC surveying the mangled remains of her tent Poshnjake cried "But I so wanted to sleep in my tent this time!" Ladycentaur put a comforting arm around Poshnjake's shoulders "At least Jake didn't drink your sloe gin - anyway we need to get ready - Stove is going to choose his demo team" (cue Eastenders ending type of music). Ladycentaur looks over her shoulder at the orchestra in the carpark, whilst Poshnjake takes a crafty nip of sloe gin from her hip flask trying not to panic . . . . .
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Post by kas on Nov 8, 2010 19:14:20 GMT
Jinny Spry rushes out of the homestead looking anxious. "Lee!" she cries, "you can't take him yet. Not until, well, not until after... the full moon..." "Come again?" says Lee "When's the full moon anyhow?". "In just two weeks time" confirmed Jinny, "get that out of the way and then we've got plenty of time to get him back to Tassie before the next one". (By now dear readers, I reckon it must be about July). Fade out on Lee's puzzled face. Next scene, a sunny day somewhere in East Sussex. Stove Tencents is setting up his PA system at the side of a quiet arena.
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Post by nicxf on Nov 11, 2010 7:43:39 GMT
;D ;D
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Post by kas on Nov 13, 2010 22:33:09 GMT
Stove watched carefully as everyone trundled about trying to impress him. "Hey, Drusilla," he called, averting his eyes "just tack your horse up, you can put your vest back on... I think you're getting confused with Jonty's project...". He scanned horses and riders "Nice work Outtolunch, you've got that 3 quarter reinback half halt pirouette pretty neat now." He pushed back his hat and scratched his head "What do you think Ironic? Who do we ask to the demo? They've all got something neat to offer". "Well, what does Celebridee do?" asked Ironic, as a little chesnut thing trotted daintily past flicking his braided mane, his tail high over his back and tipped to one side. "Oh, well, he's just so darn cute", sighed Stove, "he doesn't do much, but he makes people smile". "That's true" smiled Ironic, "you always need somebody making people smile at a demo". "So, we've got Outolunch and Zorro being vaquero, Rui and Karen being classically elegant, Poshnjake doing the best reinback in the world, Ladycentaur and Small doing cool lateral stuff, Drusilla and Bachanal have just started piaffing over there (and she's got to go because she lets me ride Feram), Madpussperson and Golddust riding without tack, Pixie and Fin have just jumped out of the arena... again... and Celebridee looks so darn cute. How do I choose?" "Not to mention the others riding this afternoon, and the gang up in Hereford, and Lee's coming over from that wet country, what to do?" asked Ironic, peering up at him, "It's quite late, I mean to say, there could be more, Kos might have forgotten to mention someone in the script!". "Ah, bugrit!" Steve cracked his stock whip in the air to get everyone's attention "you can all go! It's a big enough arena, let's go have some fun!". Everyone cheered and whooped and hollered a bit. Fin jumped out of the arena again, Zorro bucked and squeaked, all was great excitement. "He's in for a great surprise" whispered Kos to Ladycentaur "he doesn't know that Lee is bringing Phillip Spry (fuckin'legend) over!".
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Post by kas on Nov 13, 2010 22:34:09 GMT
Could someone type me a Fat Farelli chapter? Have a look at the cast list and recap pleeese and help me out here. Writer's tip - open two windows up, so you can post in one and recap the story in the other.
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