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Post by kas on Oct 21, 2012 18:16:28 GMT
Are you ready? Sitting comfortably? Irena and Steve enjoyed Horse Whisperers Too so much that I feel we should put our best feet and hooves forward and produce another. Maybe building up to the grand finale at Christmas again.
Now, concentrate fellow authors - here is your opening cast list - make a note of the names...
Stepford Ponies - a tale of suspense, intrigue and wierd goings-on
Cast:
Fat Farelli - Mayor of Stepford Belinda Farelli - Chair of the Ladies' Committee Their horses and ponies (of course, the wonderful mare Spellbound is now in happy retirement in Tasmania with Philip Spry). Stove and Irma Tencents - Owners of the rather disreputable ranch, Silverend, a couple of miles outside Stepford. It's the place where adventurous Stepford residents go to let their hair and manes down while wearing scruffy clothes and mis-matched tack. Jonty Robarts and Nellie Stains - (Just good friends!). They have decided to leave the hectic touring life behind them and move to the peaceful haven of Stepford. The place where the pastures are always green, the ladies are always immaculately made up, the men drink single malt and the equines are Perfect Partners.
Our story opens, a lovingly filmed sequence of rolling green countryside, blue sky, and a single road stretching towards a small town. The houses are painted white, the fences are all post and rail and white, the sun glints off the Farelli logo at the top of the clock tower, high above the town. A dark green horse box trundles into view and past the camera, blazoned on the side are the words "Intelligent Horsemantricks" and the distinctive logo that is recognised throughout the World of Horsemanship. It is driven by a slender, immaculately turned out woman and followed by a U Hire removal truck piloted by a small guy in a cloth cap. The small guy turns as they drive past the sign announcing Stepford Pop. 230 to watch a small dumpy woman painstakingly wielding a paintbrush to change the sign to read 2302. "That looks like that Marelli Farelli gel" he muses to himself "I sure hope she's wearing stronger breeches these days." (Unashamed reference to the previous Bestseller...).
As they draw closer to the town they can see most of the population of 230 have turned out to greet them with banners and happy smiles. Men wave amber coloured bottles, ladies clutch plates of home-baked goods. At the front stand Fat Farelli, Mayor of Stepford, and his lady wife Belinda, Chair of the Ladies' Committee.
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Post by snigsby on Oct 22, 2012 8:28:04 GMT
As the pile of empty amber coloured bottles around her grew ever bigger, Suellin's eyes grew wet and a large tear rolled down her immaculately Botox'ed cheek. The young boy beside her fidgeted with his Stetson. "Jan Roars",Suellin sobbed,"that ranch shoulda bin yours. Your daddy found oil there when he was stationed here during the First World War and staked his claim on it."
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Post by kas on Oct 22, 2012 9:23:07 GMT
Stepford meets Dallas, I love it! ;D
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Post by beksnjake on Oct 22, 2012 11:09:43 GMT
Meanwhile Belinda (Chair of the Ladies Committee) was chairing the Stepford Knitting Circle because that's the kind of thing the Chair of the Ladies Committee does.
"Darn it" she exclaimed as she dropped yet another stitch - knitting with Parsnip sticks wasn't as easy as she'd hoped (big sticks plus thick wool should equal quick easy jumpers . . . . .)
"No dear" said Mrs Forteque-Montford-Smythe (who looks exactly as she sounds, complete with large hat & white gloves which are never removed even for knitting!) "You can't darn it dear, one darns socks, not pullovers"
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Post by kas on Oct 22, 2012 13:45:55 GMT
We haven't settled Nellie and Jonty into their new home yet, or put their ponies in their new immaculate stables. ;D Jonty and Nellie stepped down out of their vehicles and were immediately surrounded by beaming new neighbours. As bottled began to chink against glasses Nellie noticed a variety of horses and ponies stood on the outskirts of the group. None of them were tied up, none of them even wore a halter, and yet they all stood quietly behind their owners as if they were waiting for the next command. "Do they look a bit Frozen and Watchful?" mused Nellie. Then she gave herself a little shake, of course they didn't. They were just happy and well fed and had no need to go anywhere. This was Stepford after all, home to Perfect Ponies. In the background mascara ran slowly down Suellin's cheeks. "Silverend Ranch! My son's lost heritage!" she sobbed.
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Post by snigsby on Oct 22, 2012 16:57:29 GMT
"Mom,stop callin' me Jan Roars,everyone else calls me Jahn Rahs" demanded young JR Oweing "and we need to start thinkin' about this prahblem we got with the ranch and the oil and stuff. And what about them Ay-rab horses my grandpappy used to breed along with his buddy,Wilf Sharp? Didn't my pappy have some of them on this ranch?" (Just establishing a bit of back story here to allow a few of the usual suspects to make an appearance ) "Yes son,he sure did" sobbed Suellin "and when they was wildcattin' in Scotland, they used to have some of the cutest lil ponies you ever did see to carry all their gear." Meanwhile, an argument was being decided by the toss of a horseshoe...................."well,I need to go" said the small hairy pony. "And it's my turn to go" retorted the handsome Arab. "But you won't go in the trailer" shrieked the pony triumphantly "and I will so bagsy me go,hahaha oww! No need to kick me,you big bully."
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Post by kas on Oct 23, 2012 7:57:02 GMT
Nellie and Jonty unloaded Cornish Pasty and Tank from the lorry and led them to their new pasture. The horses got a bit wobbly in the legs and goggle eyed on the way, but that was hardly suprising considering they were being led down an avenue of bowing horses and ponies. "That's b****y wierd!" muttered Nellie to Jonty. "I know!" he hissed back. "Is it me, or do those horses look robotic to you?" I'm glad we don't follow Farelli Horsemantricks. All those Parsnip Sticks and rope waving, sure has some peculiar results!". There was a clanging sound behind them, the sound a piano makes when it's almost dropped and saved just before it hits the deck. They spun round and gasped at the sight before them. The doors of the U Haul were open and a chain of townsfolk were passing Jonty's Baby Grand along a well-organised line and into the front door of the house. A sobbing Suellin hung off the door frame clutching a plate of cupcakes to her bosom and whispering "Silverend, Silverend!" to herself. The scene was overseen by Fat. a broad grin on his face and a glass of malt in his hand. Belinda materialised at Nellie's elbow and thrust a flyer into her hand. "The knitting circle honey, we're meeting later and I know you'd LURVE to join us". (at which point we can catch up with Beck's chain of thought...!)
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Post by snigsby on Oct 23, 2012 9:23:23 GMT
Over at Silverend,Irma leant on a gate watching Stove training three ponies. "How are you getting on with that Tri-Pony-Patented-Mounting-Device for Seeker?" she asked.
"Not too bad" replied Stove absently "it's just finding the right cue for Seeker to use. Small,Smaller and Smallest are responding quite well to the word "Hairy" at the moment".
"Think I might go to the Knitting Circle later on" said Irma tentatively "someone put a flyer through the letterbox so they must want me to put in an appearance."
"Well,that's a first" replied Stove,amazed. "I wonder why?"
"Not just to knit some hairy pair of socks,that's for sure" laughed Irma "Oops,sorry ponies!"
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Post by quest on Oct 23, 2012 18:19:49 GMT
;D ;D ;D
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Post by beksnjake on Oct 23, 2012 21:02:39 GMT
After furiously leafleting Stepford and beyond, Belinda rejoined the knitting circle. Gleefully rubbing her hands together at the thought of her cunning plan for domination of the Ladies Committee & Stepford, no - WORLD DOMINATION (cue manic laughter) though the medium of something as innocent as . . . . . .
. . . . . . a knitting circle!!!!!
She was pulled out of her macavellian (please excuse spelling) daydreams by Mrs Forteque-Montford-Smythe trying to attract her attention.
"My dear perhaps if you tried to use proper yarn instead of that cumbersome rope to knit with, you might have better results"
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Post by snigsby on Oct 24, 2012 7:38:19 GMT
Softly clapping her gloved hands, Mrs Forteque-Montford-Smythe attracted the attention of her fellow Knitters,or Knits,as they fondly called themselves.
"Ladies,at our next meeting,we are bringing ourselves up to date! Yes! Modernising! A charming gel is coming to address us on the subject of 21st Century knitting! Quite necessary my dears,in this age of council leisure grants being withdrawn. It will help this year's application for funding. Cashmere is soooo expensive nowadays!"
Meanwhile,over in Wiltshire, a tall artistic figure was wrestling with an inflatable mattress. "Halp!" she muttered under her breath as she struggled to push it into the cunningly devised roof space of her works van. Emblazoned on the side were the words "Nix Nitters - Purling for The New Generation"
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Post by beksnjake on Oct 25, 2012 2:21:42 GMT
Later that evening whilst Fat nursed yet another tumbler of amber liquid, Belinda filled him on on her plans for world domination.
"Honey it's so simple it's divine - I've put flyers out all over, including the Silverend Ranch for the Ladies Knitting Circle - they'll come in their droves, unable to resist the lure of needles & yarn - quite what they all see in the darned stuff is beyond me. Once here in Stepford the laydees (sorry trying to write in accents is a little hard especially at 3am!) as soon as they see our beautiful horses, they'll want the same - BOOM we have them Fat darling. One parsnip stick will never be enough, they'll be ours for ever!!" Cue more manical laughter.
Fat finished his amber liquid, smiled at his darling wife, picked up a guitar and started singing. . . .
"Wild thing - you make my heart sing"
. . . . . darkness falls over Stepford.
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Post by kas on Oct 25, 2012 8:04:36 GMT
Dawn rose over Silverend. She'd fed the horses, cleaned the pens, and now Irma was packing ancient balls of wool into a moth-eaten knitting bag. Stove took a classic double-take on his way to the kettle. "What the F? Irma? What are you doing?". "I'm getting ready to ride into town for the Knitting Circle meeting." beamed Irma. "Some of the international students are going to ride in with me. Lee, Kos, Ladycentaur... Dave Mellon is coming too!". Stove spat tea across the kitchen. (Impressive coverage from that height). "Dave? What does Dave want with a knitting circle?". "Maybe he finds it relaxing Stove." smiled Irma as she zipped up her bag. Over in the Emu Shed Dave Mellon was preparing for the knitting circle. Peering into a battered mirror hung around with Native American Indian memorabilia he put just a tiny bit more gel in his hair. He'd been single for some time and sensed opportunity coming over the horizon in Stepford.
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Post by snigsby on Oct 25, 2012 8:16:58 GMT
Coming over the horizon in Stepford was Marelli Farelli.
Closely followed by a straggling group of people in neat and tidy outfits,hung around with identical branded grooming belts,halters and coloured ropes,the troops were arriving to see to the ponies.
Dozens of ponies swivelled their ears towards the sound and sighed deeply.
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Post by kas on Oct 25, 2012 9:57:01 GMT
They sighed deeply, and was it also a little mechanically??
(Does everyone know the plot of Stepford Wives? Just check on Google if you don't. ;D).
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